I have heard of two local women in my community that have joined our "club that no one wants to join". Alot of people think, "oh...this must be so hard for you, drudging up old pain". Its not "old pain" that surfaces, because that pain is always there, never old, and bubbling under the surface. It's not dredging up anything, because it never went away.
What is, happening, is that we are suddenly feeling an intense and powerful familiarity. We feel an empathy that no other can feel. We know right where she is. We know the thoughts, the desires to free yourself of the pain. The moments so surreal that if it wasn't the planning, the visitors, the service.. you would think this was just a horrible nightmare you can wake from with relief. The surges of agony, when you realize you wont.
I don't mean to leave out the fathers, who feel the pain as well. I just do not know their perspective, but I feel sadness for them as well.
It's not dredging up feelings, it's empathy for those just starting this life. I reach out immediately, knowing she won't respond until she needs me, until she's ready. I just have to let her know, she's not alone. We are mothers to angels.
