My Purpose

After the loss of my son, I was trapped. I was trapped under a smoldering pile of ash that at one point was my family as a whole. When we lost a member, it felt as if the whole thing burned, like it couldn't exist with one, and burned itself to the ground. They are all here, but yet, It felt a way I could not fathom.

I laid under that pile of pain, anger, sorrow for a long time, as if the absence of pain meant I had stopped missing him, or loving him. In that pile of ash and sorrow, I had to find a purpose. A reason to rise in a world without my precious gift to it.

Of course my biggest reason is to return as a mother to my children, who needed me as they grieved. I cant say I was the best at this, but I tried. I returned to being a wife to my loving husband that was burning a candle at both ends to care for us all. Again, I'm not sure how well..but i tried.

After I had stepped out of the coals, I realized not long after, that I was not a party of one. That others like me were feeling what I feel, and they too needed to come from the ashes. I had to find a way to ease my pain, and one that would make my son feel proud. My beautiful, loving son, that had left me there in the ash.

I choose to help others from the ashes. I can only hope that I may help. I write in Hope's they reach someone that needs to hear these words. Its my purpose