Ok friends, I'm going to get personal for a bit. I feel that there are plenty of others that feel the way I have, and that this story may help them. If it does, than its worth it.
A couple of weeks ago, my appendix blew... told in the e.r. that i needed surgery. In a few short moments, I was on my way in. The next thing I remember is Brooks voice, because he's always what I hear first. I thought I heard something bad, but later, I thought it was just the anesthesia and tried to forget it. When the doctor came to see me the next day, he pointed out a mass he removed, and told me it was probably just tissue. What he had said to Brooks the day before, was that he did not like what it looked like, and it was attached to my colon as well. He told my husband, my colon may need to be removed as he feared cancer. My husband described it as surreal, and then a flood of emotions he couldn't control. He was sworn to secrecy, so that I could heal. In the coming days, his behavior led me to believe that I had not imagined what I heard. I may have cancer. A very bad, scary cancer.
This is where I may help someone like me.
Since I've lost my son Austin, a part of me left with him. I truly had one foot in the grave since he left. I was okay with dying. I might see him again.
I was faced with that as a possible reality, and all I could think of is, God.. please don't do this to my kids. They can't do this again. They have had to much loss.
I knew at that moment, that he will be there for me, when its MY TIME. I'm not all here, if part of me is there. After being faced with that, I knew that being here with our family did not mean I love him less.
After 5 days of waiting, the call came in. No cancer.
I'll see you later Austin♡ mom loves you♡ I'll see you when I'm done here♡
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